Two weeks before my due date I had an appointment with my midwife and found out that I was nearly 4 cm dilated and fully effaced. She told me it could mean I would deliver early, but not necessarily. Either way, she confirmed why I was feeling so uncomfortable with his head being so low. I returned to my parents home, and my mom and I took a walk around the block to try and get things going naturally after my exam. Looking back, I think my first contractions happened on that walk and I ended up having to take lots of breaks doubled over in pain. My mom was convinced I would deliver that weekend (it was a Friday), but I ended up going home and laying down and the pain eventually subsided. I continued through the weekend hot and uncomfortable, but without any more contractions.
My final week at work was spent with lots of back pain. I really wanted to stay home in bed, but I knew I had to push on to keep my medical insurance. I had another appointment with my midwife on Friday and I planned to ask her to strip my membranes to hopefully induce labor. The appointment would be on July 24, and if I could go into labor within a few days of my appointment, all would be well with my insurance concerns. The week was a slow one, but I finished my last day of work on Thursday and had ice cream outside the Museum with co-workers. We didn’t know it would be my last day at the time, but I had a strong feeling and told my supervisor I wouldn’t be in on Friday following my appointment.
Friday morning, my mom and I drove to South Hadley for my appointment. My midwife examined me and after she stripped my membranes she said she would be surprised if I didn’t deliver that weekend. I was nearly 5 centimeters dilated and his head was so low she could feel it. My mom and I quickly drove home and I called Chasen to have him come to Massachusetts that evening after work. I bounced away on the yoga ball all afternoon and made sure my bags were packed for the hospital. Chasen arrived around 6 PM after getting the cats settled and packing his own bags. We were ready to meet the baby and hoping things would happen that weekend. My mom made her spaghetti and meatballs, Chase and I took another walk around the neighborhood, and then we both went to bed watching The Real Housewives on my computer.
My dad blowing up the exercise ball with a pump in the backyard
I didn’t sleep much that night and woke up around 5 AM with severe cramps. I thought they could be contractions, but wasn’t sure they were painful enough. I took out my phone to time them either way. Chase lay next to me completely asleep while I moaned through a solid hour of cramps. I eventually moved to the couch because I needed to be louder, but I’m not sure I would have woken him either way! They eventually became closer together and much more intense. I was convinced they were contractions and coming every 10 minutes lasting a minute each. I hobbled upstairs and took a hot shower. The shower felt amazing and actually stopped all contractions while I was under the water. I got out to dry off and return to bed convinced it was false labor. As soon as I was back in bed, they started back up. Around 7 AM I shook Chasen awake and told him I thought I was starting labor. My dad was also awake getting ready for work and I began timing the contractions while Chase took a shower. Eventually my mom woke up and told me she thought it was for sure labor and to get to the hospital right away. I decided I needed to eat and had Chase fix me a bagel while I got dressed. After a few bites I began to feel nauseous and had to lay down during each contraction. Right before we were about to leave for the hospital I decided to call my midwife. Chase chatted with her for a few minutes, but she wanted to talk to me. After explaining what was going on she instructed me to take a hot shower and if the pain didn’t subside, to head over, but she did warn me they might send me home if I hadn’t progressed beyond 4 cm. I took a quick shower and contracted the entire time, so it was into the car we went.
I sat in the back seat on a towel and gripped at the side door to keep me from fully putting pressure on my bottom. The ride was AGONY. I screamed through every contraction and I think Chase broke out in a cold sweat navigating the side streets to Baystate. I was never so relieved to pull in. I quickly signed some forms and they led me to the intake room to be checked. The nurse had me lay down and the pain was intensifying with each contraction. She hooked me up to a belly monitor and confirmed the contractions were coming quick. Eventually the midwife came in and after examining me she said I was already at 6 cm and would definitely be having a baby that day. She changed me into a gown and they wheeled me up to the delivery room.
I had a really nice room that felt incredibly peaceful. I wasn’t hooked up to anything beyond a fetal monitor because I wasn’t sure about the epidural, so the nurse tried to instruct me on breathing through the contractions and counting down until my breaks. Our nurse was about to head home for the day and I don’t remember when, but a new nurse eventually came in. The first few hours passed quickly and I honestly don’t remember anything because of how bad the pain was. I screamed at the nurse, at Chase and at the midwife when she came in from time to time. Eventually I was examined again and the midwife said I was nearly at 8 cm and asked if I still wanted the epidural. She suggested that I try a hot shower instead. As I was standing to walk to the bathroom, I felt a hot gush of water and everything flowed out all over the bed. I had always pictured this moment to be a release of pain, but it only caused one of the most intense contractions of the day. I was in the fetal position on the bed, moaning and nauseated and declared that I needed the epidural. They called anesthesia and the nurse went about giving me an IV. The IV was one of the WORST parts of the entire labor. It took 4 tries and the entire time I was contracting and screaming at her to get it in. I think everyone was pretty tense, but when it finally went in they started the epidural process.
The resident who administered the epidural had little personality and seemed somewhat out of it. I was suddenly nervous and wishing I didn’t need it, but deep down I knew I couldn’t last through pushing following hours of pain. The first try didn’t work and I remember yelling, “what is wrong with this place?!” There was little pain when the needle went into my back compared to the contractions ripping through my body. Within 10 minutes of the epidural placement, I began to feel relief. It wasn’t complete numbness, but I could feel the contractions as if I were having cramps from a period. My legs weren’t completely numb, but there was an overall sense of protection in my body from the pain. I could finally relax and Chase and I began to get excited to meet our son.
About an hour before I delivered
I tried to close my eyes, but I was way too hyped up. It was about 1 PM and I prayed that the contractions would speed things up so I could start pushing. The nurses and midwife left the room to let me rest, but all I wanted was to get the show on the road! Chase and I took some pictures and talked about what we thought Elijah would look like. We also remembered that we were supposed to go out to dinner that night for our anniversary in Northampton. I had arranged to sell two chairs from the porch at our old apartment before our reservation. I texted the girl we were going to meet and told her it was her lucky day because “something came up” and she could take the chairs free of charge. Chasen also called and canceled our reservation.
Finally around 2:45 PM the midwife and nurse returned and after a quick check said I was at 10 cm and it was time to push. The midwife also asked if I wanted to see the head or help deliver the baby and I told her I would rather focus on the pushing. Chasen grabbed one leg and the nurse grabbed the other. The midwife told me to bear down as if I was having a bowel movement. I could still feel my contractions, so when I felt one coming I pushed for a solid minute. I let out a scream after each one and the midwife told me to save my energy and remain quiet through pushing. I knew I was going to get this done quickly because I treated it like a soccer fitness test, so I ignored her advice. After the first contraction ended, the nurse let out a screech that the head was already halfway out. During the next set I pushed even harder and the midwife yelled to me to slow down so I wouldn’t tear. She tried to stretch me out with oil, but I heard my skin tear as his head slipped out. It freaked me out a little and I thought the baby would already be out, but then I heard his shoulders were stuck and the midwife needed the nurses help. I gave him one final big push to free my little boy and I knew it worked when I felt him slip the rest of the way out. He screamed right away and before I knew it his wriggling wet body was placed on my chest. I’m not an emotional person—I didn’t cry when Chase proposed or during our wedding or even when I found out I was pregnant, but as soon as Elijah was on my chest, I sobbed uncontrollably. I was also laughing and Chasen was laughing and he kissed me and we were the happiest ever. I held him as still as I could while he cried and I attempted to shush him but the midwife told me I needed to let him cry because it was healthy. Eventually he wriggled his way to my breast and he latched right on and began to suck. It was all pure magic and I couldn’t stop smiling.
As I held Elijah, the midwife delivered my placenta with a small push and then worked to stop my bleeding and stitch me up. After a full 15 minutes the pulse stopped beating and Chasen cut the umbilical cord. Both the placenta and umbilical cord were huge and the midwife had me feel the cord pulsing because she said it was the largest she had seen. I didn’t feel pain because I was so focused on my new baby, but when another nurse came in to assist with the bleeding I started to feel a little queasy. The midwife pressed on my stomach with such intense pressure the pain seared through my body. I yelled at her to stop, but she didn’t. It was at that point I saw stars and knew I would pass out, so I yelled for the nurse to take the baby and then I was out. I awoke to about 7 people around the bed and some smelling salts, but eventually my blood pressure stabilized and my temperature returned to normal.
My parents showed up with flowers and a balloon and a meal was delivered for me. I don’t remember much from the visit because I was so exhausted, and my parents eventually left so we could settle in for the night. The baby was having some trouble breathing, so they decided to take us to our room and analyze him there. By the time we were settled into our new purple room, Elijah was really struggling to breathe as I held him, so the new nurse brought him up to the NICU. I remember crying and feeling so helpless that he couldn’t stay with me that first night. Eli ended up staying in that room at the hospital for an entire week. It was the best week of my life getting to know my son and spending endless hours together with Chase and Eli in that little room. I love everything about Eli’s birth and the week to follow, and I’ll cherish it in my heart forever.
